mostly :’( but sometimes :)
i don’t have time . but i have to stop making it everyone else’s problem what i’m struggling with . hopefully only strangers read this, it’s been so long since i wrote anything personal here . i feel like i’ve been drowning for 3 days, surfacing every once in a while thanks to something to hold onto - like that dev lemons album, my friends, bowling with my grandad, my siblings, my beloved oh my beloved feels like an island for me, my family too . my art, i wish it felt like an island, sure does slip out of my fingers like sand lately .. i still get hit with the waves though, even on land i feel like i’m gasping for air, how dramaticccc ..but i gotta describe how i feel so it can just goooo awayyyy . i’m praying tomorrow i’ll enter one of those moments where “oh i overreacted for nothing, everything is ok now”. right now i am genuinely struggling, only got me to blame for it tho . i could complain that the job market is so wonky, take comfort in hearing other ppl are searching with no dice (misery truly does love company !! i’m so sorry 😞), blame the state of the world, best believe i have lmaoooo . it feels like too much a lot of times
i grab onto my health, i started going to the gym recently, like in person instead of just trying to do stuff at home with the limited equipment . it’s been so embarrassing and out of my comfort zone even tho it shouldn’t be >^< i grab onto the fact that the music hasn’t sucked at all this year even tho it’s been such a painful 8 months . anything to keep going another day, anything to not sit in my loser mentality and try to just doooo my best . but fuck man . fuck