unsent letter to “Mato”
that was the name you wanted your demon to be in my story idea . i’m not mad or hurt by what you said to me anymore, reading over it now instead of in the heat of the moment . i really did fold like a piece of paper when you started being so hurtful with your words (and responding so fast, too fast for me to keep up 😵💫), but i see it for what it is now .
instead of being worried about being as big/unhealthy as your dad, maybe you should be worried about your mindset turning into your dad's . cuz how are you gunna lecture me, saying 'stop worrying about boys/get a job and some responsibilities' ? isn't that the same shit he said to you when we were still together ? hounding you down about your life goals and stuff like you weren't trying your best, like you weren't just trying to experience life and enjoy the things around you while finding out what it is you wanted to do ?
it sucks that you let his harsh words ring in your head so long that you feel like you need to bully someone else about their life choices to make yourself feel better . couldn't even muster up the courage to explain to me why you ghosted at a time i needed you most-no, instead you focused on some unimportant section of the text i sent and assume i'm jobless and only have my mind on boys lol . if it was really about making things right, you would have just came out and said your piece .
well i'm trying my best, i got a job, i'm following my heart . and i'm not going to let you projecting out of your ass hurt me anymore-i see it for what it is . you had all that energy to argue with me instead of explaining why you left me . you had no intention of giving me closure when you hit me up . but through all of this, i believe that i finally don't care about the 'why' or 'what could have been' anymore . it is what it is !!
sometimes ppl come (back) into our lives to tell us something that our spiritual team/ancestors want us to know . so i like to think that my spiritual team was using you as a way to remind myself to focus on my art, that i don't need closure from this . all i can do is use this as fuel to make sure i live a better life than you could ever imagine-i will be successful out of spite lol . best of luck to you Mato, thank you for the good times and the lessons, hope you live life the way you want to and not the way your dad wants you to live it, otherwise you'll be miserable .
(wrote this to get the noise out of my head . LOCK IN, SPI, LOCK IN !!!! future self if you're reading this, make sure you do everything in your power to be an amazing artist, someone that the past versions of me would be so proud of . NO MORE DISTRACTIONS !! ONLY ART !!!!!!!)